That night… im not sure if you felt what i felt… but i felt something….

    When we see each other my breathing gets heavy… and im lost in though of that feeling… but it disappears as soon as we come in contact… is it because i made it up in my mind that night… that feeling??? could it be that we both know nothing can go on because none of us says anything. I dont know what it is but i cant help to think you did feel it. I always get excited by the little moments we talk… even if we both dont say much. Sometimes it seems meaningless… but the next time we see each other its like a kickstart because that thought comes back. and i see it in his eyes. But then he confuses me by the way he looks at me… like he knows i was reading him… but then he changes his face expression. .-. Maybe i am making it.. up but i must know if you felt it too. When we kiss all i can think about is what youre thinking…. and i have no feeling no passion. You kiss me with such lust sometimes i think thats all you want. But ive let nothing happen. Is it that? The thought of one not making love to you when you want them because you always get some?? …. but how can one be so cruel. I cant believe that because when i felt something we werent doing anything. I was touching your hand and you were touching mine… and we were just talking… but when we didnt talk i felt an energy between us… An energy ive only felt once. It was beautiful and lustful.

Today as i woke up i remember what i drempt.

• Humberto was there?? But before we got anywhere we were practicing a sort of exercise… like flying… and Humberto knew how to fly… so we took my hand and we flew… but before that we kept bumping into each other… and well yeahhh then we flew to a boat but it was a total blank.
• We ended up in a boat and its like we were on a mission.
• Got off to end up in a chinese guys house but he didnt know me and my sister (or the girl i was taking care of) were there…. So we were hiding… we hid in a closet.. then we moved into the restroom for amoment i think he knew someone was there but the next moment he was gone. He was pushing one door but i locked it and checked if it worked a few seconds before he turned the knob to enter… but it was locked and he didnt enter To make it more frustrating there was another door and this one was hard to lock but i solved it out and it was pretty easy to close and keep closed… there wasnt a knob.. there  was just like one of those locking ones without anything to lock it to… so i had to make it work with the wall and i did… i wasnt hesitating… so it was pretty simple. So after the doors were locked i blanked out for a bit and was thinking about going back to the boat… i never saw the girls face i was with… anyway i turned on the shower to block the noises…. the noises of me thinking of what to do and moving around. Anyway it got hot in there so i opened the window…. i saw more chinese people in a jacuzzii…. laughing… for a moment i thought they saw me but they didnt… anyway i only opened it a little…. Well i blanked out again and then i realized i had to move quick…. Soooo i was about to leave when i was thinking how long was i going to stay there…. sooo i got a toothpaste… i think i had a toothbrush on the boat i came in so i didnt think of getting a toothbrush… i did but i rembered i had one on the boat…. anyway….
• When i escaped with my sister?? or a little girl We left the restroom and to soon find out after we left… the chinese guy on the couch said something… like he knew we were there… but the  three little girls in the room with killed him. They didnt come after us or anything… they just killed him. But we didnt look back… we just kept going…and hopped on to the  boat… it was pretty high but i wasnt scared at all as i thought id be sitting and crossing over sitting down on the small boat front. It was pretty simple actually and i didnt even freak out. Anyway a few seconds later i realized we were on the wrong boat…. it looked totally the same… but nothing inside was… but i wasnt scared… it wasnt a feeling of a trap or anything… i dont think anyone knew we were there… but us… but all i know is that we tried not to get spotted by anyone.
• Anyway when we realized we got on the wrong boat… someone told us we were at the bottom of the boat we came in…. But i climbed to the top… and it was a different boat. I think humberto told me.. and well then as soon as i found out i looked for a way out to find our boat. Anway when we got out of the boat Humberto had to leave again… said he had to do something… and that he should go along with it…(a mission maybe?)
• Soooooo we realized this and we climbed out to try and find out boat. It looked like a lot of those crates all metal green crates (that trucks carry on their back)and well Humberto headed out… headed out towards those green crates and i woke up…..  

Woke up feeling great. I had a good dream… i hope it lasted a bit longer… i feel empty. Empty… everytime i have good dreams im all happy and HAPPY! haha im at a loss of words but i cant help but smile. But… after a while i have this emptiness that food or home or ANYONE cant fill. AND my heart hurts just a little bit like i know its there but i cant leave this fucking dimension. I have lost my magic touch… All i hope is that i see you… i said id wait for you and you said youd wait for me… i cant forget that feeling… you made me feel happy. And i like that feeling. I like knowing happiness exists in a smile… True.. pure just lovely.

My day was shitty… brought back this feeling. The emptiness grew… and  i dont like it… can we just meet once more… can you bring back the happiness im missing… im lost and i feel like im the one they blame… when all i have are good times to spread good times and happiness… but i cant bring happiness to myself…. and  well ive only felt it there… i want to go back.

                                  -Going to bed.